I’m NOT Okay, I’m Surviving

Without these people in my life, I wouldn’t be “surviving,” I’d be much lower. 

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If you were to ask me how I’m doing, my usual response tends to be, “I’m surviving.” I’m not completely terrible, but I could be doing much better.

Each day is a small battle, to get out of bed, to get dressed, to go to work, to DO something.

My life has been really topsy-turvy. I’ve had “happy moments” sure, but I’ve dealt with a lot of trauma, emotional and physical.

You need to make the most of what you have and be grateful and thankful to those who are in your life to help and support you.

It’s amazing how emotional pain can manifest itself into physical pain, and any physical pain you may have been experiencing previous to the emotional can become heightened big time.

In between sobs, the physical “ow ow ow,” comes out. But you need to breathe into it, and try to relax. Find a coping mechanism that works for you.

I knew that someone was moving away, and soon. But I didn’t think it would be like TONIGHT soon. It still really hit, and where I’ve always been such an over-emotional person I tend to take things really to heart.

It’s tough wearing your heart on your sleeve. Especially when you get hurt your wound from the pain is much bigger. But it just means you have to get a bigger needle and thread to patch it up.

When I got home from work, I cried so hard I nearly threw up. The feeling of abandonment is one of the worst feelings I’ve ever had.

Everyone feels abandonment differently. A sadness, emptiness, anger. Each emotion makes its round, but it’s unknown when they each will show themselves.

It’s something that you usually don’t get any warning for, or very little warning.

I have been spending my evening making Facebook posts, expressing my general feelings and to bear with me as I’m dealing with this, but also that I’m grateful and thankful for those who love me and are here for me. I’ve received literal and virtual hugs. These people aren’t related to me by blood, but they are my family, from right here in my home town to across the world.

Without these people in my life, I wouldn’t be “surviving,” I’d be much lower.

Aside from the Facebook stuff, I sent a few private messages, and an email. I watched a few episodes of  Mrs. Brown’s Boys on Netflix to cheer me up and give me a chuckle.

In the back of my mind, I had the urge to be creative. A perfect coping mechanism. While I listened to my latest playlist, New, on Spotify, I started searching images online to see what I could draw/create. I’m an okay artist, in that I can look at something and copy it, whether it be an object in front of me or a picture I’ve found online. But try to take an idea from my head and I just can’t seem to get my hand to draw it out. Maybe one day.

Being creative is one of the best coping mechanisms out there. It keeps your mind to focus on what you’re creating, and you don’t have to be perfect. It’s yours to make what you wish.

In my Google travels, I decided to look up angels that start with “D,” to see what I could find. In my tea leaf reading, my reader told me that I had an angel watching over me with the letter “D.” What I found seems to suit me.

 Daemon :Another word for Demon. Daemon is one of two pairs of guardian angels referenced in Works and Days by Hesiod.Greek lore portrays daemons as caring beings.

My light within my darkness perhaps. I think he or she tapped me on the shoulder and sent me some energy full of creative motivation, and I thank them!

Here’s what I created:

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(this last one is from Invader Zim )

Your guardian angel might be a best friend, a family member, a co-worker or someone who’s passed away or maybe you’re like me.. Keep in mind, there’s always someone watching over you, making sure you’re surviving.

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